Give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name, make known His deeds among the peoples, proclaim that His name is exalted.Isaiah 12:4
I love art and music. I love to sing.
Worship is my first love.
I've been a part of worship teams for 18 years now. I don't remember a time in my life where music wasn't a part of it. There's something about music that moves me in ways nothing else can. I typically start and end my day worshipping in my bedroom, car, closet, you name it. There is nothing like it.
I was put on the schedule to lead worship at my church for the past few weeks. When I said yes to doing so I didn't check the calendar. I didn't know one of those Sundays would fall right on Fathers Day. When I realized what I had committed to my first, honest thought was "there's no way".
Mothers Day was not an easy day for me. I'm still coming to the terms with the fact that raising my little family falls solely on my shoulders. I'm still trying to learn to be the "man" of my house, so to speak. I'm still trying to get used to the end of the day, where I don't have my husband to talk to about what our son did that day. Or what things we as parents can do better. There's no more "we". As much as I know that, it's still hard for me to accept.
I didn't go to church on Mothers Day, honestly. It would have been too difficult. Instead we loaded up the car, headed out of town, and tried to enjoy the day. Pretend it was like any other day quite frankly.
I didn't know what Fathers Day would bring but in my mind it couldn't be any easier than Mothers Day. My plans were to try to crawl into a hole and forget what day it was. Forget about this day that was all about Fathers. Forget about how much I long for the Father of my children to be with us.
Which is why I went into a slight panic when I realized I, was not only going to have to leave the house that day, but stand before hundreds of people, and sing.
I went back and forth on this. I picked up the phone to call and cancel many times. But something stopped me. It was a verse rolling around in my heart that says:
Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says The Lord. Zachariah 4:6
I knew in my own might I could never get through leading on this day. But I knew by His power, I could do anything.
The day came and I sang and lead my little heart out. A woman came up to me after and gave me a huge hug. She told me she couldn't believe I was able to get up there and sing, on Fathers Day no less. God's not exactly light on the details. It wasn't a surprise to Him I was up on the stage that very morning. Even so it was such a hard day to emotionally bear. Why not have someone else do it?
As she walked off I felt The Lord gently saying to my heart "who better?"
Who better, on a day where I feel so alone, to sing of how near He is to me. Who better, on a day where I could feel so abandoned, to stand and declare His faithfulness. Who better, on a day that could magnify loss so deeply, to stand before others and magnify His name.
Too many times we believe the lies in our head that tell us our past, or present, disqualifies us from being used by Him. It's time to let that lie go. In fact, what we've walked through is the very thing that qualifies us the most.
You are unique. Your story is powerful. Sometimes just by being you, you are testifying to His greatness.
There are people only you can touch. There are songs only you can sing. There are stories only you can tell. And on the days we feel our most inadequate to do so, He gently speaks truth to our heart. Not by your might. By His power. Your story is being told. And when it comes to telling it?
Well, who better, than you?
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