A hostile world! I call to God, I cry to God to help me. From his palace he hears my call; my cry brings me right into his presence a private audience!~Psalm 18:6-THE MESSAGE BIBLE When Joel & I were in the hospital last week we were on the cancer floor. Everyone on that floor was going through the same cancer battle just like we are. During the day Joel & I would try to walk the halls at least twice a day just to get Joel up & moving around. Most patients keep their doors open. I was so relieved to see that most people were not going through the chemo process alone but they had a friend or a relative there with them. There were some days there was a sound coming from down the hall that couldn't be ignored. It was a sound that would stop Joel & I in our tracks every time we would hear it. It was a call that started faintly at first but more urgent by the moment. "Help" was her cry "help....heeeeeeeeeelp". The first time we heard it we were alarmed. What on earth was going on? Who was this woman so desperate in her cries? When our nurse came in later on we asked her about it. Turns out this was an older woman, going through chemo treatments. Not only was she there alone but she was half-way senile. She would get confused as to where she was & she would call out for help. Hearing her story broke our hearts. Every time we would hear her crying out we would look at each other almost near tears. It broke our hearts to hear her so confused & so afraid. There was one day in particular that was a really bad one for her. We heard her calling out for help morning & night. Each time I heard it she captured my attention & I would want to rush over to her but knew that I couldn't. I was thinking about her cries for help as I was trying to go to sleep. I realized that just as her cries broke my heart my cries for help touch the heart of my God. He knows when we are in pain & it says He collects our tears. I loved the above verse from Psalms where it says He hears my call & brings me right into His presence a private audience. I may not feel like any one can understand what Joel & I have gone through-but He does. And when I call for Him-He is right there beside me. The way that I was moved by the woman's cries God is moved by mine-100xs more. Through the process there are times when I am in prayer & can't even find the words to say. I am too tired to come up with eloquent words or a prayer rich in meaning. Those are the days when I just cry out over & over again "Help me God. I need You. I need You." And something tells me that those are the times when not only does He hear me but He is nearer to me than ever. My King giving me a private audience.The scripture actually starts off like this 1-2 "I love you, God— you make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight." How many times have love stories involved a knight in shinning armor coming to rescue the woman in waiting. Yet, ours is a true love story of a God who loves us so completely. He is the one who will always answer when we cry to Him. Our rescuing knight. I love that. Hearing this woman's cry was such a strong reminder to me of how He hears me & He heals my heart every time in brokenness I call out to Him. He never leaves and His love will never fail me.
Thanks for everyone who has been praying for Joel. Since coming home late Thursday the past few days have been challenging for us. I had expected the hospital to be the hardest part & the recovery to be easy. Turns out the hospital is hard & the recovery has been twice as hard as that. It is so hard to see the person you love hurting & in pain. I wish that I could make it better. I know that prayers have helped & will continue to help. And we know that we aren't walking through any of this as ones without hope. So that helps even on the dark days. But the past few days have been very tough on us both. As the week progresses I know he will start to feel more like himself. Then it will be time to start the next round of chemo. Such is life for the next year. I wish it could be over now........but soon........
Love you guys,