To The End

I am one of those people who love to fly. I love the excitement of boarding a plane and getting ready to go to a new destination. I personally like the window seat the best because your elbows don't get bonked by the beverage cart heading down the oh so small aisle. I am not normally a talk to random strangers on a plane kind of gal (my husband was a talk to anyone and exchange business cards kind of guy!). I tend to settle into my seat and gaze out of the window. As I sit there my view is normal and nothing exceptional, a little cart pulling your luggage, people in orange vests milling around. Then slowly but surely the plane pulls away from the gate and it's bound for the runway. I feel the excitement as the plane increases speed and lurches forward slowly rising into the air. Suddenly the airport, the luggage carts, and the orange vests become nothing but a speck. What unfolds before me are large open fields, rivers and lakes, vast beautiful skies and big pillowy clouds. I am still looking out of the same exact window but the scene displayed before me is vastly different. What changed? My perspective. My vantage point. I know that we humans think we are all really smart people and that we know a lot and we are and we do. But we don't know all and we aren't God. When I stop to think about the situation that I am in it would be easy to get confused and even really angry. I definitely have the questions like "you said that you are a healing God but you didn't heal my husband-why?" What we were praying so fervently for and asking God to do was just exactly what He said He would do, but He didn't, so what now?

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12

I am not going to ever fully understand, on this earth, why I lost my husband. I just won't. There's no way that my mind can comprehend how in any way this was the best plan. But one thing I do know is God is God. God is good. He loves me and He is for me. And the biggest thing-He knows way more than I do. He sees all from a different vantage point. For whatever reason, in His all knowing, the best plan was not what my plan was. I could drive myself crazy questioning what was or I can rest in what is and that is that He is in control. Nothing that transpired has rocked or confused Him. That is where I land. Many have asked me so many questions trying to understand the "why". In the above verse it says that we won't have all of the answers. But that is where we have to trust. We have to remain a faithful people even when it seems that Gods promises in our life were not fulfilled. That's what trust is. That's what relationship is. Even when things happen that we might not like or understand, at your core you still trust that He will never leave us or forsake us. I know that He is with me, to the very end.

To The Very End-Will Reagan

You know me and I know You You’re the God who calms all my storms You're the voice inside my head

Don't give up Don't let go Don't lose trust Don't lose hope

You can have all my fears, God You can have all my sins You can have all my weakness I know you're with me to the very end