The Same

This morning I put away the little toothbrush we used when my son was first learning to brush his teeth.It's long gone now, replaced by a big boy electric toothbrush that sings to him so he'll learn how long to keep brushing. Every month or so I go into his bedroom drawers and take out the clothes that don't fit him and put them in a bin in the attic. I pause to touch the threads and remember the memory attached to each and every article of clothing. When you lose someone you love, other than their absence, for a long time life stays somewhat the same. You have the feeling they could almost walk through the door at any given moment. There's comfort in that. You know the life you are living is the same life they lived with you. Their presence is felt in every space of that life. But after awhile time trudges on. Life moves forward. Things change. Suddenly you realize your child's spent almost as much time away from him as he ever did with him. Your heart aches at the new friendships with those your husband never knew. You glance around your house and see new things he never saw. A shirt. A blanket. A toy. The things his hand will never touch. It doesn't have to be the big things. It can be one small change at a time that eventually adds up to a whole new life. One he never knew. As I made a purchase the other day I burst into tears. In the middle of the store. I was realizing with each day my life was getting farther and farther away from how it was with him. In so many ways I don't want it to. I loved my life with my husband. I didn't want it to go away. But the thing with time is... It goes on. Some days it seems like a bad thing. Some days like a good. One thing is for sure, you certainly can never go back. Despite how much you wish you could. The temptation is to try and make everything stay the same. But life can never remain the same. I urge you to keep moving forward. No matter how painful it may seem. That is when your healing begins. Hold on to the fact that in these moments, no matter how your life may change, He remains the same.

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