Today I ran. I hadn't run since Joel & I completed our half-marathon in April. I had a difficult time in my training for the half & got a stress fracture in my left hip. I was determined that all of that training was not going to go to waste-so I completed the half-marathon any way-stress-fracture & all. Once I was done with the race I could barely walk. My plan was to rest my hip for a few weeks & then start running again. I had built up such a base that I didn't want to lose it. I planned to take 4 weeks off & then get back into the grind. I got 3 weeks into it & we found out Joel had cancer. Our whole lives have now been about making him well. Needless to say, I haven't run since I crossed the finish line in April. I haven't had much time to myself through all of this. My once leisurely work-out routines have now become scarce. Couple that with all of the fabulous baked goods I have been consuming (people have brought them to us as a "get well" so I have to eat them right???) & I quickly put on 10 lbs. So now not only am I stressed about everything going on with Joel-but my darn jeans are too snug........ That brings me to the present. I decided this weekend that yes, our lives are going to be busy & consumed for this entire year with beating this illness. But that doesn't mean that I have to lose every part of myself in the process. Working out makes me look better, feel better, & all around lets me relieve some of that pent up energy. It was time to re-claim that part of myself. I decided today would be the day. I signed up for the Race for the Cure to make sure that I was actually running for a cause that I believed in. That would help push me forward on days that I didn't want to do it. Now I have quite the love/hate relationship with running. Never in a million years thought I would be a runner. I still don't really consider myself much of one! I jog along at a terribly slow & uncoordinated pace. But I had decided that 2010 was going to be the year of conquering the impossible (boy did I have no idea what "impossible" I was actually in for!!!!) & to me that meant running. While I am running I hate it. When I am done I love it. There is no better feeling in the world then completing a long run. Today as I laced up my running shoes I was a little scared. It had been an entire 4 months since my last run. I thought that I would pass out after one block. This run wasn't pretty folks. 6 minutes into it I was gasping for air & the rest of my "run" turned into more of a "run-walk" with heavy emphasis on the walk! It wasn't easy & it wasn't fun but I finished the run that I set out to do. It is always so interesting to me the correlation between your mind & your body. The whole time my body was telling me it couldn't do it. Quit quit quit stop & rest. But my mind was saying "Sarah you can do this. You have ran 13 miles before. This is a way shorter run than that. No biggie." But my body was still saying no no no. My body then starts to dictate to my mind what it will do & defines my course of action. Running brings so many analogies to life that I could go on & on about-thus another reason why I love it. But I realized today as I was gasping for air, feeling worn out & so out of shape that I still had the fight within me to run. There is a purpose set before me of why I am doing it, now I just have to push my body forward again towards that goal. Same thing with what we are going through now. I know what we are going through isn't pretty. I know there are days that will be harder than others. My body has already told me that I can't take anymore & we are only a few weeks in! But that brings me back to what Paul says "I may not be perfect but I press on towards a higher calling". I have to learn to let go of any expectations that I have for myself or of what the next year holds & just run this race plain & simple. Because I can do "all things". Not just some things that are easy & uncomplicated but God has given me the fight to do all things. I just have to remember that when things seem trying & when everything inside of me feels like I can't-because I can. Today in a half hour space of time my run reminded me of that. I am so thankful that it did.
In 5 weeks I have a finish line that I will cross. In one year I have another that I will cross as well with my husband by my side healthy & well. I just have to keep moving forward & eventually we will get there.
PS-If you would like to support me in my run I am in need of more sponsors! Please see the post below.