The Office

Each day I continue to wade deeper and deeper back into my old life as it was, the hard thing is that nothing is as it was. Yesterday was a difficult first day back to work. For the past 7 years Joel and I have worked for the same company and were even carpool buddies most days. I would always treasure the 40 minute ride each way because it would give us time to talk and catch up on each other's day. In the morning he would drop me off at the door and tell me to text him when I got to my desk. It is literally a few steps from the car to my desk but he still wanted to make sure that I got there ok. If I would forget to text-watch out! My phone would then ring "babe, just wanted to make sure that you got to your desk ok?" I would sometimes roll my eyes at his insistence that I check in with him, but oh how I miss it now. I miss his care and concern for me and how he always wanted to make sure that I was ok.It's hard to come back to the same environments that have been a part of my life and yet even though they are the same everything about them is different because Joel's presence is no longer a part of them. That makes even the most familiar parts of my life seem totally foreign to me at the same time. It's hard to explain. All I know is that it's so difficult to try to go back to "normal" life when nothing about your life is normal. That was my previous life and now I have a new one yet I'm still so uncomfortable in this new world. That is when I put my hope in Jesus as it says He makes all things new. That doesn't mean we forget but that just means that even though things aren't as they were our hope still lies in who He is and His ability to create life in dead places. I would encourage you today, to be thankful for what you have. Treasure every I love you that you get to say. Give a loved one a hug and linger. Spend time with a friend over coffee. If you care for someone, tell them that you do. I never regret not saying I love you enough. Joel and I each said it no less than probably 50 times a day. After the first cancer diagnosis we learned to treasure the small things but I still wish that I would have treasured them even more than I did-especially the hugs. I still think a thousand times a day, that this all feels like an awful dream that I will awaken from. And more often then not I look up from my work computer over to this photo and think I would give anything for just one more text to see if I made it ok to my desk.

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