I heard a quote recently "Let me not die while I am still alive." When you've experienced loss it's tempting to do so. What I will not do is stop living, for my sake and the sake of my children, I have to keep moving forward.
What I've realized is I don't just want to live or exist. A life without my husband is never one I would've chosen, but it's my reality. So I will take my reality and live the richest version of it that I can.
After the loss of my husband I had a dream to do a trip where I crossed some things off my bucket list. These are things I'd waited years for the "right time" to do. Well you know what I've learned? There's never really a "right" time, there's just now. So why not now?
In the dead of winter when Ellis was first home from the hospital, I had the idea of a road trip. I floated the idea by our family friend/helper extraordinar Kaylee and the dream grew and grew. Before I knew it we had the crazy idea to make a 3,000 mile road trip for the ages. We packed up two babies, endless amounts of necessary supplies and set out.
We went to Taos, New Mexico, the stunning Grand Canyon, the Hoover Dam and to visit friends in Vegas (and meet Sigfried himself). We saw the ocean in Laguna Beach and enjoyed the magical land of Disneyland. On our way home we saw gorgeous Sedona, Arizona, Santa Fe, New Mexico and ended with a down home lunch in Texas.
We saw some of the most breath taking scenery I've ever laid eyes on.
We lived deeply and fully.
It was healing in ways I never imagined it could be.
This trip taught me once again to never put off things that I'm never promised for tomorrow. I've dreamt of these experiences which have now become my reality. For that I'm so very thankful.
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