We made it back safely from Houston. I apologize for the late post getting you Joel’s test results. I had planned to blog last night but we had an insane outbreak of tornados. Growing up in Oklahoma I am use to tornado’s and am normally not fazed by them. Last night was a little bit of a different story. With storms all around us, huge tornados to our North and South, and sirens blaring we decided to go ahead and take cover in our closet. Sitting in that closet I couldn’t help but think of the last time Joel and I were huddled together on the closet floor. The day was May 19th 2010. We had gotten Joel a CT scan that day and were awaiting his test results the next day. Little did we know the huge storm that we would encounter in our lives the very next day but for that night, even with the chaos around us, we felt safe and secure. Joel gets CT scans every 6 weeks and so far we have been able to get on here and completely rejoice in the fact that everything has been 100% clear. This trip was a little different. This time they found an “area of concern” on Joel’s right lung. There is a very real chance it could be damage to his lung from the acid reflux caused by his chemo. There is also a chance it could be something else. With cancer you really don’t know. When the doctor came in and told us that news I was instantly transported back to the day when we originally received the news of Joel’s diagnosis. I was filled with overwhelming sadness and overwhelming fear that we could have come this far for something bad to happen now. If you have experienced it once it is only natural to wait for that shoe to maybe fall again. You don’t want for that to happen-but it has happened before-and you just never know if it could again. Joel dealt with it well saying “oh it’s most likely nothing” I didn’t respond as gracefully. It is a tightrope that I walk every single day between knowing that a little fear is a natural thing vs. not allowing myself to live in that fear. Fear can be paralyzing if you let it be and I fight it nearly every day. I was once again reminded of how much of an incredible support system we have in our lives as my Dad was able to send out an email to our prayer group to get the prayers going and I was able to contact everyone else by text. We instantly had responses from all of those closest to us telling us they were praying fervently for us. You never know how much prayers mean until you are the ones in need of them. I know that our situation has taught me to take my prayers for others much more seriously and pray with just as much intensity for others as I would want others to pray for me. As soon as we asked for prayers I know we got them-because I could literally feel them carry me.
So what now? Well Joel has his last 2 rounds of chemo starting next week. Then we head back to Houston for an additional scan. We are wholeheartedly believing and praying that this spot on his lung was a result of the reflux and nothing more. We believe that this spot will have disappeared from the scan entirely the next time we go. It happened once before and we know that it will happen again.
I was praying about our situation last night and God brought to my mind the story of the Israelites after God brought them out of Egypt. You see God provide miracle after miracle for their lives and yet every obstacle they encounter they still ask the most silly question of “God why did you bring us out of Egypt just to let us die?” I can imagine God was feeling like “Hello-did I not just part the seas for you? Did I not provide manna from Heaven for you? What will it take for you to finally trust and believe me?” The promise was still there and it never changed even though the obstacles did. The thing standing in the way of their promise was their own faith and belief in the promise itself-that one day they would finally see with their own eyes that which God has promised to them. I don’t want to be like the Israelites. God has provided for us and done many, many miracles for us throughout this process. I have to believe that He will not let us fall at this point. In fact, I refuse to believe anything else.
So here we are-once again in our closet so to speak-with storms raging all around us and not quite knowing what’s ahead of us. I do not understand why we keep coming back to this place but I do know one thing-we will be safe and secure-for He is our shelter.
Thank you for praying for us and believing with us. Let’s continue to watch God do amazing things! His promise hasn’t changed.
“Out of this darkness new light will shine and we’ll know the joy that’s coming in the morning.”