Sweet Story

"This is the start of your sweet little story..." The countdown is on to the finish line of my pregnancy. We are a mere few weeks away from seeing baby girls sweet little face. I haven't talked much about my pregnancy, mainly because I didn't want to overload you with pregnant woman complaints. But I know, due to the circumstances of this pregnancy, many of you may have questions about how this season of my life has been.

I thought I would do a post addressing some of the common inquiries I receive. This will be my one and only preggo post. The next time I will talk about pregnancy will be when baby girl makes her arrival!

Until then, here are some answers to questions I am regularly asked.

How have you felt physically?

Tired, tired, tired. My first pregnancy I was waited on hand and foot by my incredible husband. He ran all the errands, cooked all the food. My only "job" was to get a ton of sleep and properly incubate a little human. This pregnancy has been the total opposite. Not only do I have a toddler who needs my attention, I also have to work and keep up on all the chores/errands it takes to keep a household running. No matter how much people offer their help it's just not the same as doing it with your partner by your side. I might have underestimated a tad, how difficult it all would be.

How have you felt emotionally?

It's an odd, mixed bag of emotions. There's incredibly happy moments where I feel so blessed and excited for what's to come. There's also many sad moments where I miss, so deeply, my husband being a part of it all. My baby shower was a recent hard moment. It's heart-breaking to go, to what is supposed to be a joyous event, but also feel wrecked at how sad you feel because he's not there with you. It's hard to not have a sounding board and it's hard to have many appointments and things I've had to do alone. But I also knew all of this would be the case before I proceeded on this path. I knew I would take many bitter moments along with my sweet ones. I know the end result will be worth every bit of it. On the hardest days, I try to focus on that truth.

How do you think the birth will be without Joel there?

Of course it will be hard in many different ways. But I've also been praying for an incredible amount of joyfulness for her birth. She deserves to have her birth celebrated just like her brothers birth was. I'm determined to make that happen. There are many days in grief, where you feel the sting of your loss, but you choose to move forward in love and thankfulness. That will be the choice I choose to make on her delivery day.

What are you most excited for with having two children?

I read a book by a widow who lost her husband and two children in an airplane crash. She had one remaining child and was also pregnant. In the book she talked about how after the baby was born she was so excited to go from it being her and one child to her and two children. She said it made them feel like a family once again. I have much of those feelings. While this baby in no way takes my husbands place, she is the missing piece that was due to be the final member of our family all along. I'm excited for my son to have a sibling he can walk through life with. And it's extremely exciting to think of all the ways I will get to see her Daddy live on through her in all the facets of who she is, and even what she looks like. Those are the things I'm thrilled to explore. It will be like opening a new gift each day. It's like that with Milo now. He's a mini version of his Daddy and still does things daily that make me shake my head, look up to the sky and say "He's definitely your son Joel".

What do you see in store for your family in the future?

I've mentioned before I see a lot of change in our future. I don't know exactly what that means or what that looks like yet. I know I want to move closer to living our life as a family fully and with purpose. This last year I've spent a lot of time in thought, of how to do just that. When you lose someone you love it changes the way you think about life and the brevity of it. You want to make each day count. That's what I want for us more than anything. Moving forward with having this baby girl was part of living life with no regrets. To me it's scary to take risks, but even scarier to not and always wonder what would have happened if you had?

Thank you for those of you who have kept my family in your thoughts and prayers. I can't wait to introduce you to our daughter very, very soon.

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