Permission to Feel

I think that sometimes people put too much pressure on themselves. Pressure to be a certain way, act a certain way, look a certain way, and present themselves in a certain way. And then there is the moment when you get a scary test result like we did last week and all of the sudden there’s that pressure-the pressure to respond in a certain way. I have heard it said in so many ways that if you are a Christian that means that you have to have perfect faith and perfect reactions to everything that life throws at you. If that's true than sometimes those reactions can range from borderline denial to near borderline hypocrisy. I know that many times I have gotten caught in that trap before thinking that “faith” meant that if I didn’t have that perfect “Christian reaction” from the very first hint of bad news that I had somehow failed. What a lie that is. Here is the scripture that free me from that type of thinking. Matthew 27:46 About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? Which means “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?

Here is the son of God who, up to that point, had spent his every moment with God. He has seen with His own eyes and knows with his very being the exact nature of God. He knew the plan of why he was sent to die. And yet still on the cross, in his worst hour of need, he is asking God why he has forsaken him. I love to look up words in the dictionary to get the full meat and richness of what they mean. Webster’s defines forsaken as to leave or quit entirely, abandon, or desert. So the son of God felt like God had deserted Him, quit on him and abandoned him. Incredible! Ever feel that way yourself?

Here’s the truth about me-sometimes bad things happen and I react in the most Christ-like faith-filled way yet other times I have moments like last week where my response is anything but faith-filled. My response is worry, fear, defeat, and yes maybe even feeling a little bit forsaken. But you know what-I have freedom from feeling like my response has to be a certain response. Really-God knows my heart and how I am truly feeling anyway-so why try to disguise it to be super girl Christian with the big S Cape on my back? I process out loud, live out loud, and feel out loud. But another thing about me is that even if I don’t start off at the best point slowly but surely I get to a better place. And that’s what this past week has been for me-a journey to get there. And still I have my moments where I’m really scared and really mad at what we still have to walk through. I have my other moments where I feel safe and I feel secure and that everything’s going to be ok. I am learning that it’s fine to feel both of those ways. There’s no right or wrong emotion. Travel towards where it is you want to be and don't camp in any one spot for too long.

A long time ago I gave myself permission to feel and to work through the bad days in whatever way that is best and there has been so much freedom in that. And in the end-somehow, some way-I always get to where I need to be.

Thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts, for you comments, support, prayers, and love.

Love,

Sarah