This morning Joel & I went to church. We haven't been able to do that for quite awhile so it felt good to be back in church. The Pastor was speaking about the older generation speaking into the lives of the younger generation. But then he told a story about the Hoyt Family. Dick Hoyt had a son who at birth had the umbilical chord wrapped around his neck leaving him brain-damaged & with no control over his own limbs. The doctors told Dick Hoyt that his son Rick would be a vegetable for the rest of his life & to have him institutionalized. The took him home instead. They ended up working with an engineering department to come up with a way to help Rick communicate by using movement in his head to type messages on a screen. One day Rick had learned about a 5-mile charity run coming up for a paralyzed friend of his. He typed a message to his Dad "I want to do that." His Dad thought no way. He wasn't in good enough shape to run 1 mile on his own much less 5 miles while pushing his son. Still-he tried. When they got home from the run Rick's life was changed. "Dad,'' he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!" Dick became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. They started entering races with Dick pushing Rick in a wheelchair as he ran. Amazingly they eventually moved up to triathlon's, the father pulling the son in a raft with a bungee chord. At church they showed a video of this father racing while pushing his son-his son with the biggest look of happiness on his face. As I was watching this video I was nearly sobbing in my seat. Through the last few weeks I have been feeling so tired, so weak & worn down. When we found out the news about Joel having chemo for an entire year it took the wind out of my sails. I thought-a year???? How on earth will I make it through an entire year??? I feel like I have nothing left within me-nothing left to give. There have been many days of me just crying out to God-I am so tired, I feel like a can't take another day of this much less a year. But as I was watching that video God spoke to my heart & He was saying "Sarah-you don't have to run this race on your own. I know you are tired, I know you are worn out. Let me be like this Father was with his son. Let me push you. When you can't walk I will carry you. And we will cross this line together." I have felt such a heavy load on me to be strong for my husband-to respond to our situation with a huge amount of dignity & all the while it has been weighing me down & wearing me out. I have felt like I was running a marathon with a 100 pound weight on my back & it was taking all that I had to keep moving forward. This morning I was reminded of the extreme amount of love that God our father has for me as His daughter. And that when I hurt-He hurts. When I cry-He catches my tears. When I can't walk another step-He is there to carry me. And when I feel like I have nothing left within me-He is there to fill me with everything that I need. This morning I silently gave that load to God, because I can't carry it on my own anymore. The moment I did I felt the weight release. We weren't created to be able to carry life's loads fully on our own. If we were then we would have no need for Him. That is why we become worn out & stressed out. I know these things in my head but sometimes my heart just needs a reminder. This morning my Father took the time to speak to His daughters heart & remind her just how deeply He loves her & is there for her in every moment. I have posted the video that we watched this morning. Watch it & be reminded of the love that our Father has for us........& get a tissue :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJMbk9dtpdY&feature=related
If you would please say a prayer for Joel. Tomorrow morning he has a surgery to get his port for his chemo put in. I will blog to let you know how it goes.
We love ya,
Sarah & Joel