Life As "Normal"

Life goes on. Even when you don't want it to. Every day I get farther away from the last time I kissed my husband's face and saw his smile. I get farther from my life as how it once was. When you are grieving and going through such a painful loss it seems unimaginable how the world can just continue on as it always has-but it does-even though you do not. That is one of the good and the bad things about life, it goes on. We had a wonderful weekend with friends doing "normal" things that we would have done back when life was as it was. The only difference is Joel is not here and that is a big difference that I notice every second that I am going about this new life. We had a really fun graduation party for my amazing friend Lauren, because she missed her real one. Lauren is one of my favorite people on this earth and she spent many, many days keeping me company in ICU. Her company was perfect for me because she knows how to keep things light and joyful while also being serious and quiet when the situation calls for it. She's just the best and I'm so blessed to be her friend. We all wore our cap and gowns, gave commencement speeches the whole nine yards. I thought, so many times that night, how much fun my life of the party husband would have been having. The next morning I took Milo to his friend Adam's birthday. His Mama Michelle is another dear friend and she did an incredible job at his party. Milo loves to take selfie pics and when I went to take one at the party he leaned over and kissed his Mama's cheek. This boy is God's greatest gift to me. He is so sweet and kindhearted, just like his Daddy. He can already tell if Mama's having a rough day and he comes over and showers me with kisses. That means I've been getting lots of them lately. Having him here is definitely having a piece of Joel with me at all times. The last picture is Milo giving me some flowers that he picked for me while he was out on a walk with his grandparents. Again, sweetest boy ever.

So life continues to go forward but for me it feels all out of sorts. It feels strange doing normal things that you used to do but nothing feels normal about it. I'm sure at some point my new normal will start to feel more and more like my normal. In the meantime, I am so beyond thankful to those that I have in my life who continue to pull me in and love on me like crazy. Milo and I are blessed.

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