We are now 48 hours out from the news that we received on Thursday. It is amazing to me how much your life can change in that small amount of time. Not just your path changing-but also the way you think about things. I am not a very patient person. I am in a hurry constantly-even when I don't need to be. I loved living in New York because those people maintained my kind of pace! They are no-nonsense getting from point A to point B quickly. They don't take much time to "stop & smell the roses". I loved that about New Yorkers. Oklahoman's-as much as I love you-seem to never be in a hurry to get anywhere sometimes!! I remember when we first moved back to Oklahoma, Joel went to Wal-Mart & was amazed that a woman struck up a conversation with him in the cheese aisle. For no apparent reason. Just wanted to talk about cheese. I had forgotten that it is normal here to catch someones eye when you pass them & give them a smile. I am a little embarrassed to say that those are not things I missed when I lived in New York. I liked moving at my fast pace, being in my own world, & not having to bother or worry about anyone else's.
The night when we got the news about Joel I had to go to Target to get some things that we were out of. Some family came over to stay with Joel & my Dad took me to the store. I was 5 hours removed from my entire world changing. I remember standing in the granola bar aisle trying to make a decision of what I wanted to buy & having the most difficult time even making that small of a decision. I finally did & we headed out to the parking lot to take our stuff to the car. I guess I was moving at a slow pace because as I was passing through the parking lot I became keenly aware of the guy who was in the truck to my left-inching ever so closely to me-because he apparently wanted me to get out of his way! I looked at him & got completely annoyed. Dang it sir-I just found out my husband has cancer today-can you just back off Mr. Chevy truck man!?! When I got to the car I just sat for a minute. Mr. Chevy truck man was me. How many times have I been in my car annoyed at people that seem to be walking at a snails pace through the parking lot? How many times have I passed someone on the highway irritated because they weren't driving to my liking? How many times have I thought a person was rude to me because of a response that they gave me? How many times have the above things happened because they just received news that rocked their world? It's easy to just go our own way & have life be all about us. I know that it has been that way for me more times then I would like to admit.
The day that we found out about Joel I started to cry & apologize to him. I told him I was sorry for nagging him about his socks being on the floor-sorry for asking him to do so much around the house-sorry for getting annoyed at him over little things. Suddenly every fight we had ever gotten in seemed stupid & ridiculous. You never know how much time you have on this earth-why did I ever waste a precious moment with my husband being angry over foolish things? That is a shift in your thinking. When you give people a little bit of grace because they may be in pain & they need our compassion & understanding. When you think twice about griping at your husband because you realize each moment that we have with those we love is never guaranteed.
Through this I will say that I have received a pretty amazing gift- one of instant perspective. And I pray that it is something that I never forget.
Joel is doing well. He has been in a little pain where the mass is, but we have mostly been at home taking it easy. The attached picture is of a sweet little visitor we had today. Her name is Aischal & she is the daughter of my dear friend Ivy. She is 1 1/2 & ran around our house like a crazy lady today. After she left Joel smiled & asked me "Are you sure you want one of those baby?" Yes we will-one day soon.
Sarah & Joel