ICU-Day 11

Here we are, now 11 days in to this second ICU stay and 6 days in on induced hypothermia. Everything is stable and trucking right along. I joked with the doctor yesterday that when Joel comes through this he will be way more well rested than all of us are! It's a funny way to think about it but it's true. He's sleeping away and might have no idea the fight that is whirling all around him for his life. He will never truly know what it was like but that's just fine with me. I would rather it that way. Actually I would rather me be in the bed enduring all of this instead of him. Sometimes as the caretaker/spouse you just feel so helpless.I will never forget these days of life inside the ICU ward. The ICU is not a fun place to be. There are people with serious conditions, even people dying around us. On Saturday a 28 year old woman died of a sudden brain bleed. She was in the room next door to us. For the 3 days leading up to that I would watch her family file in just absolutely wrecked. Then the day they decided to turn off her life-support all day long there was just constant wailing from her room. 3 days ago I was in the hall and a nurse and a chaplain were leading a distraught family back to a family room to obviously tell them that their family member had died. Another day I was in a hall when a Dad bursts out of the waiting room and falls on the ground, crumbles into a ball sobbing. Seeing things like that obviously will have an impact on you. My heart breaks for these families. I get it. I have been told that my husband was going to die twice. I have been told there's no hope. I have been told to just let him go. I have had lies that pop up in my head to tell me to start planning a funeral, that I will be a widow and my son without a Father. I have had to battle against those thoughts and those fears and stand on what God's word says. Sometimes I think that we tend to let go right before the promise is about to break through. When you are in the middle of the storm it's hard to keep holding on, we just can't let go too soon. I will always fight for my family and continue to keep my eyes on Jesus. He is our strength, our fortress, but most of all-He is our hope.

My Hope is Built

My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand; All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand; All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood, Support me in the whelming flood. When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand; All other ground is sinking sand.