How Quickly

I didn't realize how quickly I could forget or maybe how desperately I wanted to not remember. Life had started to just retain a normalcy again-a new normal-but normal none the less.

And then....

The feeling of utter fear the days leading up to the test.

The smell of the hospital as you walk through the door.

The swish of scrubs and the squeaky shoes on shiny tile floors.

Overbearing cleaning chemicals around every corner.

The old, worn, waiting room chairs.

The dated art work displays.

The magazines dated 2005.

The indifferent looks from nurses.

The inquisitive look from strangers.

The feeling of helplessness as Joel walks through those doors.

The feeling of aloneness as I sit waiting for him.

Our life for a year and a half. Our world. How could I forget?

I never want life to completely return to "normal". I never want to stop empathizing with strangers in hospital lobbies. I never want to stop feeling the fear of utter helplessness which causes me to cling to my Savior. I never want for status quo to be our normal. I never want to stop having to overcome my fears and cling to my faith. Because it has changed us and it has made us stronger.

I thought I didn't want to remember-now I know that I don't want to forget.





PS-STILL waiting on Joel's test results...