Babies, babies are everywhere. Many of my friends are pregnant now, just gave birth, or even just announced their pregnancy. When they tell me their due date, naturally nine months down the road, all I can think of is “Wow-we will STILL be going through chemo at that point.” We have longer to go with chemo then it takes to have a bun roasting in the oven & popping out a fully formed little human being to this earth. That means that even though we have been enduring all of this since May of 2010-we still have a long way to go-a very long way. Thinking about it in those terms is enough to make your head swim & it does mine, quite frequently. Seeing how far we still have yet to go it is easy to lose sight of how far we have come. I remember like it was yesterday-sitting in a doctor’s office being told my husband had a 50/50 chance of living. I remember sitting at the hospital the day of his 5 hour long operation to remove his kidney & the 7 lb cancer that had grown inside of it. I remember waking up that morning not knowing if I would still have a husband at the end of the day. I remember holding his hand in the ICU seeing tubes coming out of nearly every part of his body. I remember receiving the devastating results of the pathology, that Joel had a very serious form of cancer, & that chemotherapy would most likely be required. I remember that diagnosis being confirmed by our doctor in Houston who told us how difficult our life was going to be for the next full year of intense chemo. There have been many emotions, tears, pain, fear, & even peace, happiness & joy. Through every new phase of our journey I always think “how will we ever get through this?” Yet somehow, we do. Step by step-day by day we move forward until now the opening events of our story seem like so long ago. I know that it will be so with this most current phase of chemo. Chemo feels at times like the most difficult part of this entire event mostly due to the length of having to endure it & the wide range of difficult emotions & recovery that it brings. But just like we got through a life changing diagnosis-a surgery-a surgery recovery-doctors, doctors & more doctors-hospitals, hospitals & more hospitals-we will get through this too. And by the way, for those of you who have read this blog since that very first day of May 20th, thank you. Thank you for caring enough to check in on us. Thank you for praying for us & thank you for encouraging us. I started this blog just to be able to update our friends on Joel’s condition in one central place. It has become so much more than that. It has become a diary of sorts for me of the thoughts & lessons I have learned along the way that I will now have to go back to forever. But mainly, it has become a place where I know if I need prayer & encouragement-one small post later we will have it. It is your prayers that have moved us forward the most & we thank you for that.Speaking of opportunities to pray-Joel & I are flying to Houston on Thursday afternoon for his 6 week check-up. This is the check-up where they test for spreading as well as go over his other numbers to tell us if his chemo plan will remain the same. Our prayer is that the plan that is in place will be one that they keep in place. I always fight fear when we have to do these tests, & I know that is normal. His tests will be on Friday, then we will be staying there over the weekend & meeting with the doctor on Monday to get his results. Please be praying for safe traveling, for peace of mind over the long weekend, & most importantly for clear test results. I will be blogging most likely on Monday to let you know the test results.
Love you all! Sarah