Hello, 2014

A friend asked me a question the other day I have been pondering ever since. She asked if I'm happy or sad to see 2013 go. Even now it is hard to give a clear answer. I guess if I had to answer I would say a little bit of both. 2013 started as the best year of my life. I have many memories attached to the first 6 months of it. Also, the farther I get from 2013 means the longer it has been since I was with my husband. That thought consistently breaks my heart. At the same time I think of all the ways 2013 ended as the worst year of my life. I walked through so many traumatic events I still can't quite comprehend them all. There's a large part of me that won't be sad at all to leave it all behind. I feel one arm is behind me trying to hold tight to the way I started 2013 while also trying to embrace the start of what 2014 has to bring. Letting go is painful and I've had to do it for so many things in the last 6 months. Have you ever felt this way? Sad to let go but also sad to move forward?

When I ran the half-marathon a few years ago I knew my husband had started the race close but still behind me. At some point in the throng of people we were separated. I knew he was behind me but I didn't know where. As I ran I kept trying to turn my head the opposite direction to find him, while also trying to run forward. That didn't work too well. It was pretty much impossible to effectively run a good race if I was running it with my head facing the wrong direction.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:14

I have decided this is my verse for 2014. Yes 2013 was hard but I press on. Yes there is much I have lost but I press on. Yes there is uncertainty ahead but I press on. The temptation to turn around is great but I will fix my gaze on what Jesus has for me straight ahead. Yes there was loveliness behind me but there can also be loveliness ahead of me.

So with that I bid farewell to all that came with 2013. I wrap up all of my favorite memories and keep them close to my heart while also releasing the painful ones. I fix my gaze steadily ahead and prepare myself for the race I have to run in this new year. Goodbye 2013. Hello, 2014.