"I've seen many searching for answers far and wide, but I know we're all searching for answers only You provide. 'Cause You know just what we need before we, say a word. You're a good, good Father. " Good Father-House Fires II Recently our family went for a visit to Legoland. As soon as we stepped inside I realized that clearly I should have done my research on the place. I had thought it would be somewhere they had cool giant sculptures of Lego's, where maybe they would teach you how Lego's were made. Wow, was I wrong. Turns out it's like a massive jungle gym, playground type place with themes of Lego's throughout. It also seems to be way more rough and tumble and geared toward all things B-O-Y.
Now, there's nothing wrong with all things boy, but what's hard is when those places tend to be all things boy with their Daddy's. We tend to avoid places like that. I know I won't be able to forever shield Milo's heart from the reality that his Daddy is not present on this earth. It is a reality that we think and even talk about daily. But it is not one that I want thrust in his face so forcefully.
When I realized it was too late to turn around I vowed to just make the best of it and be the best stand-in Dad I could be in that moment. We wondered around, got in the big Lego pit, played with toys etc. All was well until Milo's eyes were drawn to the "build your own Lego car" racing center. There they had a platform with buckets of Lego's for the kiddos to build their cars to race on the raceway.
Station after station was filled with little boys and their Daddy's excitedly building their cars.
As soon as we got to the platform I knew I was in trouble.
First of all, I stuck out like a sore thumb at the boy club currently in progress. Secondly my Lego skills are, shall we say, lacking? I can build a small Lego house with four walls, but beyond that I am at a loss. Now I was expected to somehow build a Lego vehicle, with wheels I had no idea how to attach. Not only that, but it had to be race worthy. I was in trouble, and I knew it immediately.
Then, the DREADED question came...
"Mommy, can you make me a car?" Milo asked sweetly.
"Uh….sure buddy. I will give it my best." I answered already perplexed as to how to execute his request.
"You can do it Mommy, I know you can!!" He encouraged me.
Great, I thought. He's putting his faith in me and I'm going to let him down. There's no way on earth I can build this darn car.
I fumbled with the Lego's, with the tires, with the concept. I looked around in vain trying to copy what the other Dad's were doing to no avail. Milo looked at me, then at them, then back to me. My eyes were filling with tears as I tried my best, but was getting nowhere.
Why isn't Joel here!?! I need him here to do these things! For Milo! For Me! That was the plan. This was not the plan. This is not what I signed up for my life to be. My son deserves his Daddy! His little heart is breaking and mine is ripping out of my chest. What am I going to do?
I wouldn't call it a prayer as much as I would call it a plead. It wasn't even in the form of a prayer, just a random stream of desperate (and even ticked-off, honestly) consciousness.
But the thing about God, is He knows our every need, even before we ask it of Him.
Just then, out of the corner of my eye, it was time for a little boy to go home. As he trotted off he left behind his impeccably built, perfectly suitable for racing, Lego car. I snatched it up while everyone else was still building theirs.
"Look Milo, I found a car for you!" I said.
His eyes lit up.
"Wow, thank you Mommy!" He responded.
He hurried over to the racing center, put his car on the starting line and let her rip. And wouldn't you know, my boys car even won the race. Take that!
This life is not perfect, and many times it is not at all what you signed up for. But we have a really good Father. He is there to provide for our needs, even before we ask. He fills in the gaps and deems us without lack.
Our life as it is, was not our Plan A, in any way, shape or form. Plan A is no longer an option for us, so we are making the choice to live out our very best Plan B.
While I do believe the perfect scenario for Milo would've been his Father and our Plan A scenario, that doesn't mean that our Plan B will be a lesser plan.
These are the areas I trust in the Lord to provide for my son in those moments where I am inadequate. When I trust He will send male mentors to take my son under their wings. When I trust my son will grow up to be an even better man not in spite of the circumstances he has endured but BECAUSE of them.
That is what the Lord does. He takes the pieces of rubble from our lives and puts them back together again. It may not have been how we planned it, but it can still be beautiful.
He will always provide for His children, whatever their need may be. Even if it is just a silly little Lego car.
That's what He does. Because He's a good, good Father.
And THAT is who He is.
*Love this blog? Let's be friends officially! I can come right to your email Inbox. All you have to do is hit the follow button to your left. Thanks for following along on our journey, new friend.