Fixed

Hello Everybody, I hope you are all having a great week. Hope you enjoyed Joel’s blog from the other day. He, unlike me, is not a big fan of blogging. I have been pestering him to sit down & write some thoughts down-since this blog is about him after all! He kept insisting he didn’t have much to say but he did want to make sure that you all knew how much he appreciates all of your thoughts & prayers. Lately I have been feeling the importance of just keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus. We hear stories, all the time, about other people going through a battle with cancer. When we would hear that things were going smoothly for them it filled us with so much hope as well for our own situation. However, when I would hear of the negative stories it could just as easily fill my heart with fear. Recently I have had to make a conscious effort to guard my heart & try to shield myself from some of those stories. Because just like our heart can swell with hope in seeing others miracles, that hope can also be dashed when they lose the battle that they are fighting. It’s is difficult. I finally realized that I was looking to others situations as some kind of confirmation that we would be ok as well. If it worked out for them it has to work out for us too right?!?!?!? Really our journey is just that-our journey. God is moving & working in their lives in different ways than He is moving in ours. One time our doctor told us to stay away from Google. The internet shows the absolute best cancer cases & the absolute worst cases. He said it could drive us crazy & it would! Still, there was that part of me searching for reassurance & the affirmation that it is going to be ok. I have realized that my weakness can be lack of trust. Because if I really completely trusted I would not be moved but what I see happening to others one way or the other. I would not be moved by the changes & the ups & down in our situation-but sometimes I am. I wish that my first & natural reaction would be that of complete trust in God & His purposes but I must admit I am not always that way. My normal inclination is a minor freak-out “what is going on?” “what am I going to do? “why is this happening?” Then once I calm down I remember who is in control & that control doesn’t change, even though the circumstances can. It is so easy to look at others & what God is doing in their lives. But if we do that it can be something that equal parts give us hope or crushes our spirit. My goal & desire is to keep my eyes fixed on the author & finisher of my faith. I remember in the Bible the story of Peter stepping out of the boat to walk on the water. It was only when He took His eyes off Jesus that he began to sink. Meaning, he took his eyes off of who was in control & started to look at the circumstances-which were raging waters all around him. My challenge is to fix my eyes & fix my heart on Him. If you wouldn’t mind please say a little prayer for me. I woke up this morning with a sore throat. Normally that wouldn’t even be a big deal. Now, however, with Joel’s low blood counts, if I get sick I have to leave my house so I don’t get him sick. I really don’t want to have to leave especially with it being the holidays. So, I went to the doctor first thing this morning & he has put me on antibiotics to try to clear this thing up before it turns to a full blown sickness. I am hoping that will knock it out & I will be well again. Thanks for your prayers! This Thanksgiving Joel & I have much to be thankful for. In a way it seems weird to say that due to our life being in complete chaos for the past 6 months. Amidst all of it God has been so faithful to us. We are moving forward & every day are closer to hopefully having this battle behind us. I have no clue what Thanksgiving a year from now will bring just like I have no clue what next month will bring. But I DO know that I will move forward with thankfulness in my heart for all He has done in our lives as He continues to display His greatness in our weakness.

Love you friends. We are thankful for YOU! Sarah & Joel