I Miss...

Man, I miss my Jojo. I don't just miss who he was but I find myself missing him in so many different ways. I've told you before that he was the technical guru of our home. Anything technological he could fix in 2 seconds flat. Of course the week after he passed away our printer stops working. Then a few weeks later our Internet stopped working. I called over Joel's friend Anthony to help fix the Internet and it took he and my Dad both to fix the printer. It takes many heads working together to fix what Joel could do in his sleep. He was just extremely talented in that area. You know what else I miss? His cooking. He was an AMAZING cook and also the main cook in our home. When I cook I have to have a recipe and follow it to a T. Joel just throws in a little of this a little of that and comes up with something delicious. He made the most incredible french fries. He even put together a seasoning that he would use on just about anything. The funny thing is he put it in a plastic shaker and took a picture of himself and taped it to the shaker with the words "Joel's special seasoning" written on it. I love that every time I open the spice cabinet I see it in there. Joel had such a knack for finding the best deals. Any time I was about to make a purchase I would always run it by him and he would research and find the best deal for me on it. To this day I find myself hesitating before every purchase that I make just hoping that I'm making him proud by doing my research and being frugal as I purchase. He always watched a lot of the new movies and shows that would come out. I don't have the patience to sit through a 2 hour movie if it's going to bore me. So he would often watch the movie first and tell me if it was a worthwhile time investment. I miss his random knowledge base about anything and everything. He loved to watch Nat Geo and the History Channel. He loved the shows about how things were made. Many times I would wonder aloud "I wonder how that works" and Joel would dive into "well actually, I just saw a special on that the other day" and he would rattle off a whole speech on how it was made. I would tell him all of the time that he was a walking Encyclopedia. As much as he liked his smart shows he had a minor infatuation with the show Bridezilla's which I would always tease him about. Whenever I go to watch something on my DVR I always smile at the little folder containing a host of Bridezilla shows. I miss when I go places having my partner in crime there with me to make me laugh. I went out the other day somewhere and was getting bored. I missed just being able to lean over to him and go "gah this is boring!" And have him look at me and laugh in agreement. I miss the lazy days spent on the couch hanging out together and watching our son walk around the room. That was our #1 source of entertainment in the last few months of his life. I miss my carpool buddy and the silly stories he would tell me as we were coming and going. He got really into shooting at the range over the last year (thanks Jess-ha!) and I miss hearing him talk endlessly about ammo and shooting. When he developed a passion for something he was all in and that's how he was about this subject over the past few months. I miss how we would walk in the door of our house and literally within 30 seconds he would be in his PJs. It would drive him nuts if I stayed in my work clothes. "Babe, please just get comfy!" I miss him being there with us for OU Football season. Fall was always both of our favorite time of the year. He loved having people over and cooking huge meals on the grill for everyone. Football started up last week and it just wasn't the same. I miss him telling me about his new thing that he sold on EBay. He was always finding stuff to sell because he loved the whole process of bargaining and getting the most that he could for what he had. I remember one day he was walking all around the house kind of slowly looking into closets and on shelves. I asked him "Joel what are you doing?" "Oh just looking for stuff to sell" he replied. I miss the way he would tell stories. Sometimes he would call me at work just to tell me a story. He would always start his stories off with "So........" Long dramatic pause and then excitedly dive in. I miss him telling me to take a nice hot shower because to him hot showers were the cure all for anything life threw at you. If I was tired, if I was stressed, if I had a cold, it was always "you should just go and take a nice, hot shower". I got so used to him telling me this that he would start out "you should just go and.." And we would both say in unison "take a nice hot shower" then look at each other and laugh. He also seemed to think that Vicks was a magical potion for all illness even for sleep. He told me once "well if you really want to go to sleep put Vicks under your eyes. It burns if you open them so it will keep your eyes shut and you'll eventually fall asleep." I told him he was crazy and I could definitely find easier ways to attain sleep. I miss his thoughtfulness. If anyone in our family would mention in passing something that they need, he would remember, and he would find it and present it to you later. "Well, I remember you saying that you needed it." He said. He was always always looking out for those he loved.

It's not just missing him-its missing all of the things that made him "him". All of the things that added up to a million different layers weaved into my day. I miss every single last one of them. But I will say what I miss most of all is his laughter, his joy and that beautiful smile of his. I am so blessed that his smile lives on in the face of my beautiful baby boy. There was no one like my husband.