I won't lie, holidays have been hard ever since the loss of my husband. Instead of it being something I look forward to, they have become something I yearn to get through. I really wish it wasn't that way, but truthfully it still is. The holidays aren't the same without Joel, and as much as I try to stay happy, I always feel such great sadness he's not here to be a part of them.
Easter is a bit of a hard holiday. Easter weekend was when my husband and I had our first date. It is also the last holiday we spent in normalcy as a family together with our son. Every holiday we celebrated after that was spent in a hospital or rehab center with my husband fighting for his life. When I think back to Easter of 2013 it is the last holiday in my life where I had my family together, happy and whole. I would give anything to have it that way again.
Still, no matter who hard the holidays are on me, my children will never know it. I put on the happiest face I can muster and we make it a good day. This year the rain moved our egg hunt indoors but we made the best of it by hunting eggs all over the house. We also ate a lot of yummy food including a special bunney cake I made for Milo. Ellis loved watching her brother dye eggs and I could just picture her, a year from now, joining in on all the fun. My kids deserve their holidays to be every bit as joyous and memory filled as mine were as a kid. I work hard to give that to them.
You want to know the best part of Easter? That death was beaten. Because of the cross, we have a hope that this life is not the end. We have assurance that we will see my husband again. And we know that one day all of the pain we live with daily now, will be but a memory. For that, now more than ever, I am so very thankful.
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