I have said it several times in the past few days to several different people “I just want our old life back again.” You receive the kind of news that we have & everything is turned upside down. You think of nothing else. It’s hard to focus on anything else. Suddenly every decision you make becomes a life-changing one. I want to go back to the days where our most “life-changing” decision is where we want to go out to eat on a Friday night. As I was going to bed last night I was thinking & praying like I normally do. I was telling God the same thing I have been telling everyone else-“God I hate this. Why does this have to be us? Why do we have to go through this? I just want our old lives back.” Right in that moment He put this verse in my head that I have heard a million times but that took on new meaning:
Psalm 126:5-6 “Those that sow in tears will reap in joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy carrying sheaves with him.”
It was like God was telling me-Sarah, forget what’s behind you. You can’t go back to that. But-look ahead! Look at what I have promised you in My word. You have this little seed of your old life & your old joy-but I am going to give you a new life-a better joy.
God will restore what was taken from Joel & I. But not only that-what He will give back to us will be better than what we had. That is His promise to us. He doesn’t restore us to the former-but to the greater. Now-that doesn’t always make what we are walking through easy. I have to say I didn’t even want to post anything positive on this blog today. I had a HORRIBLE day today. I have felt frustration & anger & sadness that I haven’t felt before. Every day is like a new level of pain. This afternoon I was thinking-well I am just going to let it out on my blog today! I am keeping it real & I will let EVERYONE know how hard this day has been & how I have felt. But even in the hurt, pain, sadness, frustration-I have to push forward. I can’t look back. Instead of focusing on all that junk I have to focus on what is in store for us. What He’s promised us is what sustains me. It is what keeps me going.
Charlie Hall has written a song that couldn’t have said it better. It says:
“The beauty of the ash of love. When I emerge I am more beautiful. Bloom again.”
I cannot wait for the moment in our lives where we will bloom again. Until then we move forward. One step at a time-one day at a time.
It is looking like Joel’s surgery will be exactly 1 week from today. In giving you guys that news I am sure you understand where my frustration is coming from today. I can’t say anything more than that. We are just ready for it to be here.
We only have 10 more states to go! And we have one week to do it. We need your help: Maine, New Jersey, North Dakota, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, West Virginia & Wyoming.