Behind the Film

I want to say a big thank you to everyone who watched and shared our short film that I posted on Tuesday. We had many, many visitors on the site to view it. I also wanted to give a few closing thoughts today about the video. First, I hate it that there had to be a video. I hate it that I had to be on the video. I would much rather not be filming a video and have my husband back. That is how I feel with every situation in my life these days. As much as I love to blog I would much rather be blogging silly photos and recipes like most people do. I never wanted our story to unfold like it did, but the story is what it is. When you have horrible things happen in your life the only thing that you can control is how you respond to it. Joel and I, from the very beginning, chose to be transparent in our journey so that Gods greatness would be displayed in our situation. Time and time again that's what we always came back to. When a post seemed too sad, too personal or too upsetting we would second guess ourselves for a moment and then post it any way. The only way that we could walk through such dark times would be to find a deeper purpose and meaning in it. We both felt that deeply when he was alive and I feel that even more deeply today. As much as I wish I didn't have to be the one to tell this story I am the one who has to do it. I wish things were different. Still, I'm so honored to be a witness to the incredible ways that God is continuing to use my husbands story to minister to others lives. To Him be the glory, always.

Second, I wanted to say the video was not easy to do. Our first cut had the content at nearly 13 minutes. We were able to cut it down to a little over 7 minutes. We had to cut out lots of content but in the end felt like we had captured the major points. The interview portion was difficult for me. I had a lump in my throat the entire time. Many times we had to take breaks to let me compose myself or even to cry. Recounting the events that we have walked through is still filled with a lot of trauma and it's not easy to talk about. When it was all said and done I was just grateful to have gotten through it. I couldn't have done this video without our friend who put it together for us. He wanted no public credit for his work, just wanted to honor the life of his friend. He put a lot of time and effort into putting this together and was so kind and sensitive on the day that we filmed. Thankful for he and his family.

And third, so many of you told me how inspired you were by my husband. I must say this, he was the real deal. I wasn't blogging about how amazing he was and the true story was he was crumbling behind the scenes. That wasn't the case at all. He was just as strong as he appeared to be. During the whole cancer journey I saw him break down in tears ONE TIME and you know why? It was because he felt bad for everyone around him and how their lives had changed because of his illness. He felt bad so many others had to do so much for him. He was a selfless man. After he woke up and realized that he had a stroke, and was paralyzed, he never complained. Not one time. If it were me I would be angry and crying and screaming. He never did. He just had the attitude he would work hard every day until he could walk again. He would praise Jesus and want me to play worship songs in his room. He was filled with joy and told jokes and kept us laughing. He was never mad at God. Ever. I wasn't kidding when I said that I was inspired by him. I experienced the last 3 years of his life more intimately than anyone else. I got a front row seat. I saw the true character and strength of who he was and it blew me away constantly. What an amazing man I can tell my son that his Daddy was.

I know the video in many parts was sad to watch but I wanted to end on a hopeful note. The candid footage at the end of my son and I was an unintended, yet perfect metaphor. There are times in life where we fall down but the arms of our Father are always there to pick us up when we fall. He dusts us off, showers us with love and sends us off, whole, once again.