Today Joel & I went to church (I so love my church by the way!) & we sang a song called "How Great is our God". I vividly remember the last time I heard this song. We were 3 days out from hearing the news that Joel had cancer. We were wrecked-absolutely wrecked. Some of our great friends asked us to come to church with them. I was leery because I didn't think I could make it through a service without bawling my eyes out. When they said that their pastor wanted to pray over Joel we decided to go because we needed all the prayers we could get. I remember sitting in my bathroom trying to put on make-up & finally giving up because I was sobbing so hard nothing would stay on. That was normal for the first few weeks of this ordeal. Our friend Ben was leading worship & one of the first songs that he sang at church was "How Great is our God". I remember thinking how easy it is to sing a song like that when life's perfect. But how easy is it to sing when your life is falling apart all around you? How can you sing how great our God is when right now you are wondering exactly where God is? Still, Joel & I held hands & bawled our way through the song. That's when the song took on an entirely different meaning for me. There's a line that says "that all will see how great, how great is our God". From that moment on that line became my prayer for this situation we are walking through. I wanted this illness to ultimately be a stage to share God's greatness. It was just interesting to me thinking back on that day. In singing the song today I just realized how far we have come. There really is no moment of despair that is ever the end moment. It can always turn around & always get better. I look back 9 months ago & see the perspective I have gained since first singing that song. Now it has evolved in my heart & it has an even deeper, yet different, meaning to me. By the way-if you would like to read the first blog post where I originally wrote about the song it is right here: http://joelandsarahsjourney.wordpress.com/2010/05/23/how-great/
After 7 blissful weeks, that went by entirely too quickly, we head back for chemo again in the morning. As much as it stinks to go back we are ready to start so we can be done. 6 cycles seems doable. I no longer look at the chemo cycles & think "how in the world will we ever make it?" We know from having been there that we can do it. We know what to expect & we know that it won't be easy but we will be able to handle it. As I stated previously Joel has now gone from getting just 1 day of chemo to getting a full 5 days in a row. I will be with him the first day but then I have to go back to work for the rest of the week. My family is going to take him for his final 4 days. For the last 5 cycles of his chemo we are looking for anyone who's interested in taking Joel to his treatments then taking him back home to Norman. His treatment on Mondays, which I will take him to, will be an all day affair. The rest of the days his chemo should only take 2 hours every day. If you are interested in helping-please get in touch with me.
Please be praying for us for strength for these next few months. Please pray that Joel will not have extreme symptoms. It's funny that in his 7 weeks off his hair started growing back already & he started to feel more like himself again. It's hard to know that he will have to be broken down all over again-it is really difficult to watch. But we know that it's all a part of getting him completely whole & well again.
We love you & appreciate your prayers over our life! They mean so much.