"Mommy, why does red mean stop?" "Mommy, why is it called a fruit?"
"Mommy, why do I have to wear pants?"
Can any of you Mom's relate to the endless barrage of questions a toddler hurls your way in the course of a day?
I remember a conversation with my husband while I was pregnant with my son.
"I think it's good for a child to be curious. When we have this baby I am never going to say 'Because I said so' like my parents told me. I'm going to answer every question our child has."
He snickered softly to himself and then turned to face me.
"You're going to answer every question, huh?"
"Yes, every question." I replied.
He just laughed and shook his head as if to say-yeah we'll see about that.
Fast forward almost three years later and I'm answering questions. All day. Every day.
Not once have I ever answered "Because I said so" but I'm tempted to. Multiple times. Every day.
Lately the questions haven't always been easy ones and I don't always have the answers. When my son asks the difficult ones I have to be honest and sometimes tell him I just don't know, but I wish I did.
When people hear our story I get asked a lot of questions. Most of it stems around God, faith and why things happen the way they do.
I was the little girl who had to have answers to every single question, which is why I drove my parents nuts with wanting to know the whys. I wanted to analyze it in my brain and come to a greater understanding.
When Joel died I nearly drove myself insane with the whys. It didn't make sense. It still doesn't make sense. Then when Ellis got sick there where even more questions I asked God constantly.
Why God? Why us-again? Why my husband? Why Ellis? Why now?
Over and over again I hurled my questions at Him much like my toddler does to me on a daily basis.
Answering all of my sons questions is definitely a noble goal, but I'm learning something in my attempts. I'm learning there are some questions that just don't have answers. As hard as I try to answer, and as much as I want to answer, sometimes there isn't one.
The thing is, there's questions and answers and questions without answers.
Sometimes things just happen. Sometimes things just are.
I know Milo doesn't understand that. I know I can't explain it. The one thing I just want from him at the end of the day is to trust me on it. Trust me that I don't get it all, but I love him and will never lead him astray. Ever.
I'll always have my questions and I know I probably won't always get my answers. One thing I know, He loves me and will never lead me astray. Ever.
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