I wrote before about the "Part the Sea" moment we had when Ellis came off her vent and started to breathe on her own.
What I never talked about was after that very moment, I experienced some dark ones.
I was scared. Yes, scared.
I knew my girl was alive but I didn't know what came next. I was so grateful to be holding her in my arms, but still so frightened at what her future would entail.
There were many things I prayed and believed for my daughter, but there were also the voices of reason telling me to quell my expectations, and that though she was alive her life might still be severely compromised.
The truth is, we didn't know what was next for her. It has been a daily faith walk for us. I've clung to the verse that He who began a good work is faithful to complete it. I've been vocal about my prayers and belief for a fully restored child.
Still, even with your belief doubt easily trickles in, as does fear. Both are things I have had to wrestle with.
The other day we were sitting on the couch with Ellis when I had a wild hair idea to see what would happen if I tried to sit her up on her own. This was the same age Milo sat up so it wasn't totally beyond the realm of possibility. But in general, she has done things on a slower basis than he. She's getting it done, but not at the same pace.
I knew it was a long shot but I still wanted to try. I positioned her upright and steadied her posture.
I held my breath for a moment.
I let go.
She sat up.
For a long time. As if it was nothing. Of course she sat up on her own. Except she shouldn't be able to do so.
I grabbed her and picked her up as my eyes filled with tears. I was so proud of her. I was so thankful to Him.
This is something she was never supposed to do. This is what I feared might never be possible as I cradled her on my arms the days after coming off the vent. I knew she would live, but I wanted more.
It's been a slow but steady march towards more every day. But faithful He has been.
So once again we stand in awe at the miracle continuing in her life. We marvel at where she is and hold our breath for where she'll be. We laugh and cry and dance with joy.
And then we celebrate with a picnic.
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