If you have followed my blog for long you might remember a story about my friend Lindsay who was walking down the road of trying to become a parent, at the same time that we were. I wrote about how amazing it was through all of the ups and downs that we were finally both able to become Mom's at around the same time. We don't get to get together as often as we would like and in the past Milo seemed so much smaller than her kiddos who are a couple years older. Milo though has recently had a growth spurt and he fully thinks that at one years old he is now an adult (any other parents relate?) so he no longer seems itty bitty compared to them. We got together tonight and they played so well with each other and loved on each other the entire time. Smiles, squeals, hugs and kisses-it was like they were BFF's 10 years running. Looking at them reaffirmed to me how faithful God is in His promises. You see, something that I have struggled with recently is that when God doesn't do what He said He would do, what then? There are a lot of people who read this blog. I have always tried to be open about our story and because of that I have felt a personal responsibility to those who read it. When Joel passed away I thought about people who's faith maybe wasn't very strong or people who maybe already didn't believe on God. I didn't want our situation to push them even farther down that path. And trust me, that is the last thing that Joel would have wanted either. It would be heartbreaking to me if that happened and for the past few weeks I have wondered if my vocalization of what we were believing for could have contributed to that. I had an amazing breakthrough on that this week with my counselor. I was talking to her about my worries in this area and she said "Sarah, it is not your job to defend God's reputation." Whoah, how true is that. I can't make anyone believe what I believe. I can just tell our story honestly and truthfully and my prayer will continually be that people are drawn closer to God because of it and not pushed farther away. And here's the truth, if I knew then what I knew now I would still believe all over again, with every once of faith that I had, that God would do what He said He would do for my husband. There's no other alternative for me.
I have heard it said that if God always met your expectations then He wouldn't have the chance to exceed them. I know that to be fully true in our walk through infertility. He didn't show up when I thought He would and He didn't write our story necessarily how I thought it should be written. But He was there the entire time and He did come through. After all that Joel and I have been through many might think that I don't believe in the promises of God but they would be wrong. Because tonight I spent the evening with 3 of the most beautiful promises of God that I have ever laid eyes on. No matter where I've been I have also seen and know His goodness. I only have to look into the eyes of my baby boy to know that God is a keeper of His promises. All 3 little itty bitty ones.
Hebrews 12:2 "looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith..."