Hi everyone! It's weekly Wednesday which means #1 your week is half way over #2 you get to hear my answer of the week. What could be better?
This weeks question is how do I plan on explaining Ellis' unusual birth story to her? I wish I could just show her the documentary when she's 18 and let her find out that way (seriously kidding on that one!) Had to throw a little humor in there because boy, is that ever a complicated question.
The short answer is I don't really know. I find myself having to explain so much already to my 3 year old about death, sickness, cancer-what it is, Heaven, why things happen the way they do. There's so many questions he has that I'm still searching for answers myself.
The important thing to me is not necessarily having the answers but being open to the questions. I want both of my children to always feel they can talk to me, or ask me about ANYTHING. Nothing will ever be off limits in our home.
I already go by that mantra now. Milo knows he can "go there" on any questions he has for me. He's not afraid to ask. My responsibility as his Mama is to answer the questions honestly and in a way his little heart can handle. There's many things he's just not ready to hear yet.
An example of this is his twin. Milo had a twin I was carrying and I lost at nearly 12 weeks. Since I was an IVF patient we knew I was pregnant with twins very early in my pregnancy (at least a month and a half). I have tons of ultrasounds of two little growing babies with two little beating hearts. When we lost Milo's twin I was devastated. To this day it still feels like another member of our family is missing, along with Joel. Now, is that important information for Milo to know? Absolutely. Is that important information for him to know right this second? No. He's still trying to wrap his brain around the loss of his Father. I would never drop that bomb on him when he was too little to fully comprehend it all.
Same goes with Ellis. Her story is powerful and unique yet there are so many layers to it. When I start unraveling it for her it will be a long and delicate dance, just as it's been for my son. There's much to understand, not only how her life came to be but how close she was to losing it. While it is a priority for her to know her story it's not something that will be a one day conversation.
In fact, many of these conversations will be ongoing life-time conversations. There's layers to grief, loss and unique circumstances that our hearts will probably process forever.
I joked about having my children watch the documentary (and read the book) but it is true one day they will. And it's likely they will feel and understand our story in new & deeper ways when they do. It's likely they will feel new levels of appreciation for our family unit, all we've endured and a greater understanding of the power of the story their lives are a part of. Mainly what I hope they will understand the most, is how strong they were through it all.
There's never a day I don't wish our lives were a whole lot less complicated than they are. But that's not our reality. All I can do is never be afraid to share with them our reality and inspire them not to be defeated by the difficult moments but shaped by them. To know they were both deeply loved and wanted by both their Mommy & their Daddy. To know there is no one who cheers harder for their success and feels as deeply for their pain than I.
All the pieces of the puzzle, which is their story, will come together for them at the right time and I'll be there to hold their hand as they work though it. It may not always be the easiest process but one thing I know is we will get through it like we always do-together.
Thank you for your question Emily!