For as long as I can remember my greatest love was singing. As a little girl Heaven was going up to my room and singing for hours upon hours. Singing was always a release, as easy as breathing. For most of my life it was my greatest passion, and it still remains my first true love.
My life has shifted a lot and I have far less time to sing on a platform, but typically every few months I will hop up on stage and lead worship at my church.
A few weeks ago I was preparing for a new song I would lead and working my way through the lyrics. The song is called King Of My Heart. As I listened to the words for the first time I put them to memory and focused on the message.
“Let the King of my heart be the wind inside my sails, the anchor in the waves; Oh He is my song.”
Agreed. Moving along.
“You are good, good oh. You are good, good oh.”
Agreed. I could sing about His goodness always. Moving along.
“You’re never gonna let, never gonna let me down…”
What? Wait a minute. That lyric was a little hard to get out of my mouth. Yes God is with me, yes He is good-but He will never let me down? That’s not so easy to whole-heartedly endorse.
So I dug deeper.
The truthful answer is I have felt let down by God in my life. A lot. I was let down when we couldn’t conceive a baby. I was let down by a cancer diagnosis. I was let down when my husband died, I was let down when Ellis got sick. There are many more areas I could mention but you get the gist.
The list is long in my case. There are many situations I have endured where I felt let down by Him. It wasn’t that I felt He wasn’t with me, more like He wasn’t protecting and shielding me in ways I believed He should. After all, how much should one family have to endure before God decides enough is enough and swoops in to save the day?
For years I carried wounds of disappointment and even mild resentment towards Him. Because no matter the good He brought to our situation, the reality is there is so much pain I've had to work through because of it.
So how could I sing the words He will never let me down, and mean it whole-heartedly?
By this realization-just because He didn’t meet my expectation of Him, doesn’t mean He failed me.
It’s ok to feel as if He let you down, even though the truth is He hasn’t. It is against His nature to be anything but good.
There are so many people who feel “let down” by God; maybe because He didn’t give you what you wanted or maybe because He wasn’t there in ways you expected Him to be.
The problem is when we close our heart and throw away the key. When we close off our heart, we are no longer giving Him the chance to prove His heart to us.
That’s all He wants, is our hearts.
Our trust in who He is.
Our belief in His kindness.
That He is for us.
There are moments when we sing what we know is truth, with faith that maybe one day we'll have full understanding of its promise. As we let those words begin to resonate within we realize the moments we felt “let down” by Him are far overshadowed by the incredible truth of His goodness.
The greatest choice I made was to let Him prove His heart to me. He has, in ways I could have never imagined.
There will come a moment when we will see with our eyes and realize that all along He was working all things out for our good. Until then we live in the space of believing a truth we may not always be able to see….but we will….I can promise one day we will.
He won’t ever let us down? Never?
He never could and He never will. Not now. Not ever.