Honestly, it's hard for ALL Mom's to balance their lives. When I hang with my girlfriends it is the thing we discuss the most. I think we always feel we have so many balls in the air, constantly, and don't always successfully catch each one of them. I feel that way ESPECIALLY as a single Mom. There's a lot on my plate and only one of me to go around (I wish I could clone myself without it getting all creepy and turning into a weird Sci-Fi movie).
Truth is, it's not easy. Ellis gets lots of one-on-one time with Mommy because I am the sole person who takes her where she needs to be. Milo sees that and notice's his sister gets Mommy's attention a lot. He never complains about it but it's probably not easy for a 3 year old to understand she gets quantity time but it's not exactly quality time spending it at Doctors offices.
Either way I feel like I spend a lot of time trying to make it up to him. He's really loves our "dates" we go on every few weeks-just he and I. He's a book nerd like Mommy so we will typically go to lunch and then the book store. The special attention and focus on him is much needed and fills his tank.
As Ellis grows and becomes more aware of quantity vs quality time I will have to make an effort to have that direct time out with her, the same as I do her brother.
I'm thankful my son doesn't have a jealous bone in his body towards his sister. He's never gotten upset at our situation or lashed out at her-not once. I'm so grateful this is the case because I know it could be much different. He's the "protector" of our little family and always tends to land on empathy and grace.
I decided early on I was never going to be the parent who pretended I have it all together and know all. I frequently ask Milo at the end of the day "What can I do to be a better Mommy to you?" One day he told me to "listen better." Funny thing is, he was right! I had been really busy and distracted that day and definitely could've done a better job. I love that he recognizes it and isn't afraid to share his heart.
It's crucial to me to keep those lines of communication open with my kiddos. I'm the first to apologize if I screw up. I am human after all. I want both my kids to know that about me and respect the fact I'm honest enough to share when I know I can do better.
I will say my life experiences have also drastically shaped how I parent. Loss helps create perspective and almost not being a parent (due to infertility) gives me a greater appreciation for my children. Another factor, I believe being in my mid-thirties is helpful as well. I've learned in life to play to my strengths, don't stress over what I'm not and don't sweat the small stuff. All of that translates to my parenting style.
Lastly, I heard a saying before "If you worry about being a good Mom that means you probably are one." What a freeing statement! It helps relieve some of the pressure. I'm not perfect, I don't always get it right, but I'm trying my best. As long as my children feel protected, loved, heard & honored by me-I will put that day in the win category.
Thanks for your question Katie!